...and the foot steps that I leave behind

Monday, January 31

InsyaAllah... ada jalannya...

its been ages since i last updated my blog.
great laziness syndrome attack.
anyway, I'm still awake now, at 12.20am.
 Waiting for suitable time to call my mom. While typing my blog post. While chatting with my housemates.
The same topic for all 3 things; Egypt.

Egypt crisis. Can't help but to feel scare and worry.
Praying hard for their safety.
There are rumours that gov. will bring back or move Malaysian students in Egypt.
Surely, as everybody else, I pray for the same thing, we are talking about more than 11 thousands students there.
Ya Allah, help them ,
Ya Allah, protect them.
We couldn't do anything but to pray for them.
And of course, pray for Malaysia too. To always and always remain in peace...
Peace,  of all the things,would matter most...
Insya Allah, everything will be fine.
Insya Allah..
~[...]His throne doth extend over heavens and the earth, and He feeleth no fatigue in guarding and preserving them for He is the Most High and the Supreme. ~ 2:255

teringat lagu itu..

Tuesday, January 18

Conflicts, if it is eatable, it sure is yummy...

Life is full of conflicts. According to the anonymous part of my brain, conflict, as what I learnt 2 or 3 years ago, is about 'communication failure' and also different preferences, views , goals and many more.. Especially when it is a errr....external conflict. Conflict with anyone and anything besides ourselves. -Can be a with a cat too...or with a computer or with Mak Cik konti yang jual maggi 2 pound 29 p sepaket..

Example of Conflict
THE SAYING: Dont judge a book by its cover.

..and the responses;
Positiver: Sometimes, we need to see beyond that. A cover is just a kind of erm...'appearance' to cover what's within it. 
Negativer: No..I would say no.. If its bad at one point, it means, it is... bad. Seriously, with that look on the cover, you are still interested?
Budgeter:  What's up with the cover anyway. The book will be much much expensive and yeah, we need a larger shelf because of it. Hardcover? I want to read, not making a belacan or win who-kill-mosquitoes-the-most competition.
Excuser: Then how do we know if we read the right one? I mean...errrr..the title?
Defender: Judging itself is an act of cruelty. Why do we have to act as a judge? We are not in the court anyway...
Others: I judge the way I want to. After all, its my eyes. 

That's conflict. If only it is eatable, it sure is yummy...considering how many flavours we would have in it. Honey nuts cornflake is extremely delicious already, having few more perisa should be good.

The point of merapuing again here, is to express my stress for having a..err 'internal conflict'.. Conflict with anyone but ourselves.
My conflict with my myself begins more than 2 decades ago. 
I said to myself everyday, do your work today, don't procrastinate. But I ended up doing it at the very last minute, and sometimes last seconds...that all the works weighed double on my shoulder until Head&Shoulder wouldn't do any good either.
I reminded myself to wake up early tomorrow, need to prepare for etc etc.. But I always press 'snooze' , and sometimes I didn't even turn the alarm on.
I promised to myself that I will stop shopping weird (unnecessary) stuff, and to start budgettng for my own future-sake. But I still scrolling down for new arrival products, buying things that are not even in my weekly or monthly or even yearly list. Carrying shopping bags with, weird choices in it.
I told myself to stop stay up late at night watching Korean drama series. But I never stopped doing it, and burnt my bedtime in front of my laptop, too. Nasib baik laptop ngan tuanyer tak terbakar sekali.
I always advise myself, lazy should not be a habit. It will turn into a form of incurable disease if practiced everyday. But I tend to be more and more lazy to even remember to not being a lazy girl. Errr ekh?
I repeated over and over again to myself, think of your action over and over again. Dont treat important thing as a simple thing. Choosing what module to learn is damn very important. And there's a big different between the word 'interest' and 'ability'. But, of course, I randomly picked my subject, and wonder about it after two weeks the lesson starts or sometimes on the day I received the assignment. Huh.

As what I can still remember, hurm...communication works best as a conflict solution. But talking to the stubborn me is such a useless attempt. Hence, let time heals it all....while the effort continues..

A drama without a conflict would not be a hit or in the hottest-drama list. (Like how Joo Won switched body with his lover to be and making things miserable and later his mom wont say yes to them, these conflicts work really well!)
But a life with too many conflicts will be like living in a bowl of hot Asam Laksa maggi. 
Sedapnyer...would be nice to have it now
I mean the maggi, not that 'conflicted-life'..

**Don't let your world diselubungi conflicts....

teksi, sekolah dan novel yang biasa.

hari Selasa macam biasa.

masih mahal macam biasa.
lewat luar biasa.
rosak tanpa disangka.

masih tempat biasa,
berdiri tegap gagah perkasa,
di atas tanah,oh biasa.

bestnya hanya biasa-biasa.
cuba baca tekun macam biasa.
tapi gagal, mula rasa tak biasa.
mata tutup buku buka,
oh, itu luar biasa.

yang biasa.

Wednesday, January 12

a product of heart

So finally the assignment left my room today. HUH,. i feel bad to admit this but dear assignment, sorry, I'm so not going to miss you.
Now its time to erm..complete my reward list.
As usual, a very lazy, unmotivated, easily-distracted, and merapuing student like me would need all those  motivational rewards to do her work.At least I'm hardworking enough to apply theories from mr. Maslow or Skinner or Pavlov or sape-sape la..aite?
So the list,
-watch AJL 25, AJL, I think I missed last year's one too..haihhh..
-watch a new drama series that my house mates almost katam by now..ketinggalan...
-watch all the drama2 that I've been patiently waiting to appear in tonton list..yeah tonton the loser tuu.. my friends found a new website, so cool. Everything of anything in it!
-watch..urhh watch lagi..
-finish the novels on my shelf.. yippiiiiii
-buy a new lamp!
Yeah..finallly. Hidup tanpa cahaya adalah ibarat hidup dalam kegelapan. Oh, Buying a cheap lamp that use a rare and expensive bulb is so like buying a super cheap printer that use super duper expensive ink. In order word, a serious buying mistake!. Urggggggh...

Oh and..
The hottest in the list.
I asked my mom a couple years ago, after went for groceries-hunting at ASDA, "why dont Malaysia export the chilies, and ulam2?"
*Best giler kot, makan nasi lauk sambal cili dari Malaysia..pergghhhhh...*
Chilies in ASDA is a product of Thailand, dried chilies at konti imported from India, Manchester's jersey is made in China, Nike's shoes from Vietnam, some Adidas stuff made in Laos and some are of Indonesia and Guess also comes with the same label 'made in China'. Those are Asian countries, so why can't we have watermelon from Malaysia here. Best kot..
My mom said...."kat kita pun kadang-kadang tak cukup stock. Kemarau, banjir. Nak export ke mane?"
Ok. Fine. Accepted. Why should I bother about it, anyway?
But out of sudden, this issue matters again. Last week, one of my parcel arrived, and to my surprise.., -really, I screamed like *&%@$ when my house mate came to my room, "Cuba tengok kat bawah kotak tu!!!" Erm..jap yer, nak snap gambar dier jap.

Ok. Now you know why we were so happy when we looked at the box. *Tibe-tibe terfikir, lau beli kat sana je, mesti ley kurang harga*
And later, as I was finalising my works with the references part, I couldn't smile better as I noticed this,

its weird. an irony.  Why would I get so excited about it. Tiba-tiba teringat iklan 'kasut buatan Gombak'. I guess, the reason for this excitement is simply, hurm...I miss Malaysia, so badly.And that's why I have this over-then-moon feeling just to see this 8 letters word. We would only notice the thing that we already have when we lose it. Said one of my lecturer at matrix. Erm..tak berkaitan kot? But still,
I'd surely make sure i'll come back and serve for my country.
..tapi sebelum itu, encik airlines tolonglah murahkah harga tiket.
Terseksa jiwa asyik tengok empat angka kat list kamu tu. Sungguh.

Sunday, January 9

from 9 to 10...

UK time: 6 pm.
Today; 9th January 2011. Its my little brother's, yang dah tak berapa little.. birthday. Can't believe this. Is it you, whos growing too fast or what? 18 years old today but you are taller than me since 3 or 4 years ago. Taller or what, you would always always and always be my adik. Reti!? Hahaha..the queen control sister.
Sorry, i don't have that many adik, just the 2 of you, and no one around me can be my adik anyway... so all my love, care and concern as a Kakak truthfully meant for you. Please just be proud of it. HOnestly, I'm glad that I am this far from you, hahaha..no need to give you present ekh?
Thinking of you, I've always laugh, those moment when we keep on teasing you, "anak angkat dari Bosnia" and "baby tertukar kat hospital".. Otokke, you were the only one born in the hospital, during that crisis kat Bosnia plak tuhh, and being the youngest, of course la.., family mana yang tak buat drama 'kau anak angkat mak ayah je' in this world? That's the problem of being the youngest. You got no witness to back you up. hahaha..
I remember you cried that day, teased with so many weird stuff from all of us..and then Along snapped a picture of you, crying like anak manja celah ketiak mak. You are so lucky I dont have the picture with me now. I have thousands great ideas on how to use that pic.
Anyway, the point of membebel so long here is just to wish you Happy Birthday my adek. The gift for this year would be, ermmm...ok, you are not anak angkat from Bosnia dear. (But check out Vietnam. Who knowss!??)

Malaysia time: 2 pagi.
Its 10th January there... A year ago, a baby was born in Kuala Terengganu, and few days later her very the very baik hati aunty who is thousand miles away named her. The pearl of honesty. (Translate to Arabic..) She's very very comel like me  and I am not sure how heavy or beautiful she is now. Its been months since I last met her. Baby grows faster than adult that they can look very different in 6 months. So, when I come back later, we both might not recognise each other, but dear, I have 2 things that I would want you to remember, firstly I named you and secondly we did spent a month together and we were very close during that golden time. And I miss you. Very very very much.

Friday, January 7

Cut anddddd....action!

Its 10 ++ pm now. Mission to stay awake after 7pm seems to be more realistic lately. Managed to do so since, hurm..3 days ago.
Need to pangkah another date for today, which also means I have one day less to complete my assignment which due next week. erm, who said I'm not doing my assignment and lagha with internet? I am doing it now. Erm..i'm practicing...at least. Oh yes, 'practice makes perfect' is one of my favourite phrase..sometimes.
I've been in this practice stage since errr..last year week. Watched 3 Idiots (serious best!), Magika (citer lame gak, baru tengokkk) and also some other telemovies and dramass. No English movies in the list though. As long as its a movie, we can still regard it as a practice right? I am not acting weird here, this is exactly what normal homo-sapiens will do every second of their lives. Finding legal excuses or if not creating one at any cost to give a free pass or bright green light on what ever they are doing/did.  truth, it always hurts, but seldom kills.
back to work!
I wont be reviewing any of the movies or telemovies or drama that I watched  here (though re-watching Di Antara Garisan really urghh..really,..really..duhh..can I watch it again?.)
Just a bit of why I think a movie should not be a movie at all. I would accept it if its airs as a short commercial break eh, no-no I love commercial breaks so maybe erm..as a video posted somewhere at you-tube kot.

1. A horror movie: when the horror movie was promoted with words like 'best horror movie ever' 'you just can't stop screaming' and blablabla... its a Giant/Mydin/Tesco disappointment when until the very last second of that movie, the main character in the movie ie; the ghost/supernatural-spirit/weird creatures/etc do not come out. At all. While the other not-so-important characters in the movies keep on screaming and screaming and screaming.... and..errm yelling?  Maybe we need another genre, 'scream-to-death-by-anonymous-creature movie'.
Director:" Normal human eye can't see the ghost.
That's why we don't include them in this movie."

2. A triller movie. Its a triller, scary and with lots of blood in every part of the movie. Killing and killings, murders after murders. And the characters in the movie keep on trying to save themselves and others while some keep on tracking for a clue, searching for the killer....until the word 'the end' suddenly appeared on the screen. Of course viewers want to know who killed them!! (nak nak yang mati tu hensem/cun...uuuu)
'Shhhhh..' is just not an acceptable lame line to end a serial-killer movie. Oh wait, there's a sequel? Tell me before I watched the first one, at least I wont hesitate at all not to start watching it.
Movie X: Murdered tragically, burnt by an unknown audience...

3. A comedy. First, define comedy... What is a comedy if someone who is surely not in a mourning, not just being dumped by someone, not just failed exam and not sleepy cannot laugh at all through out the 100++ minutes movies?
now..everyone everything can laugh in many form ways....

Ok. Now I guess I'm done with my practice session now. Lets get to the real world work.

**There was a real movie that I am particularly thinking of while writing each. Seriously, I would remembered those movies, in a very infamous way. Know the movies? Shhhhh..

what is the real purpose of making a movie? 
I wanted to ask someone like David or Amitabh or Steven but they are busy with shooting now...hurm

Thursday, January 6

finger...bukan hak milik unggul bijih timah lagi..

Finger...what about it ekh? one that famously known in the entire universe would be finger lickin' good, bak kate Pak Cik KFC..
naahhh..now finger pun boleh haus, overuse! World depend too much on it...

I remembered how a year ago, when I skype-ed with my lil brother, and mentioned to him that we almost starved that week, due to a..delivery delayed. He went straight, "What did you buy?"
and I just plainly answered; "hurm? Oh...groceries, you know, rice, eggs, bread, onions, spinach, salt-sugar, all the dapur stuff lah. And oh yeah, I bought shampoo too. This is the main emergency you know!"
He was like....erm..all the letters and symbols on this keyboard.
How funny it was to him, yet it is even more funny to me. Hey, I'm the girl who started using internet for the first time after school, and merely because of those online applications stuff. At least you know, really know laptop and internet years ago, and have friendster, tagged, myspace, facebook and the i-dont-know-what-else-in-your-list accounts since you were..,what? Form 3? Seriously....
I can't recall exactly how he laughed or grinned or cried that day, but I can remember well my own laugh, last week. The day when Maa told me about how he suddenly received a huge parcel and she kept on questioning him about it. I think I have started to laugh a bit by then. Just a bit before it turned really huge. Hurm..I don't know what measurement is used for laugh. (if there's any). Anyway, what was it that he bought? I beg your pardon Maa....

oh yeah, he bought this, via Internet...

nahh..now stop questioning me about the type of stuff I buy in the internet. No worries, the bananas still taste like banana and not papaya, and the onion still smell the same and cry out the same amount of tears as usual, even though you didn't pick them yourself at the shop. 
We are in a totally different era now. Fingers no longer serve only for those bijih timah millls, not only to wear those round-shape love symbol, not only to identify who is who.
Wonder what else can these fingers do in the future?
A powerful wave begins here;fingers...and nasi lemak.

Oh, I'm still laughing now. 
Can't really figured out was it Maa's reaction or your 'mysterious delivery' that tickles my kidney.

Monday, January 3

hari minggu yang bosan.yang amat.

I wrote the title 10 seconds before I realised that today is not a hari minggu. Its Monday.
Ohhh..Never knew that Monday can be this boring. Its too boring that even sleeping wouldn't be of any help at all. Haa..talking about sleeping, I probably slept too much yesterday that I dreamt all the stupid stuff, with weird characters in it. Very very weird that i can't remember anything.
Tulah..nak tido ada petuanya...bak kata Mat Calleh Selup bears kan?

>>nak tidur basuh kaki dulu!!

 Classes shall begin next week. 
End of this long holiday. 
And I don't know whether I want to sigh or smile or what now. 

Sunday, January 2

buku yang penuh ragam.

One of my 2011 hope is that the internet would stop behaving like the word next to siput so that I can really make use of it. In a good way. In a real good way since it has poor reputation already. It caused students, like me to leave all my books with 3 inch dusts on the shelves while I was busy with another magically fascinating book. A book that I really could stand staring, watching, gazing and flip through one whole day; Facebook. Thus, before reactivating my Facebook, I decided to give myself some ground rules, not to tarnish the word 'book' in its name.

seriously.. it wouldn't be a pain in the butt if no weird stuff happened.
Facebook brilliantly gives these 3 options for several type of people. 
1. People who annoyed us: Hide.
2. People who are really harassing us: Block.
3. Facebook, however no longer has the option to 'remove friend'...

Just some of the things that we sometimes failed to remember.
Its not solely a NO, just that, there's limit in everything. Don't over-do..
...because, it has been changed to the word 'unfriend'. Oh FB, nice choice of word!

**it is just my point of view and made for myself so.., peace.

Saturday, January 1

2011:me, walking in my porcelain wedges

...you know, people always say, "if only i'm you i wouldn't this and that", "if I were you I would have done this and that" " Oh, you shouldn't this and that" ," Supposedly, you this and that ", but the fact is they'd never be you. 
Reality;People said far too many things and we poorly listened too much that we hardly heard what our hearts said. 
Often we hope people will listen and understand, and be in our shoes and know how it feels. But we can't run away, its our shoes, and we shouldn't keep on wishing for people to try squizz in it all the time. Be in one's shoe is not easy, because, well firstly we all have different feet, different size and of course different taste! Some might not dare to wear 3 inch heels and some might think a flip flop is a weird creation. We all views things differently. All the time.
Sometimes, it aches, our feet got bruises and hurts because we picked the wrong shoes; the design or material or size or simply because its a new one. 
If its the wrong one, we can always change it or at least try to fix it. Of course it hurts when we wear it for the first time. And its not comfortable too. But its ours. Face it. Use it. Wear it. Sometimes, we would have to do something to adapt with it, like use a plaster every time before we use the shoe, or just place the plaster to that shoe itself.
And when we almost trip while we walk, there are hands that would volunteer themselves to keep us standing and walk to our destinations.
Lastly, pick the right shoe, cause "good shoes bring you to good places". *like what the beauty said in BoF.
So this is my shoes with me walking in it. I might stumbles few times, tripped again and again and fall countless time. But I wouldn't stop walking just yet. For I'm not a quitter, and my destination is yet to end. 

Its not a good start to begin a new year, nagging but Holla 2011, this is me again with my porcelain wedges. It might look stable enough in other's eyes but it's fragility isn't something  anyone ought to test.
.Happy New Year.