...and the foot steps that I leave behind

Sunday, February 27

awal dan akhir..

terbace satu note di Facebook beberapa hari lepas...
couldn't help myself to not thinking about this..;
why would the question never change,
when actually most of the time, its the other way around.

"Jangan Takut Untuk Kawin Awal"
tajuk nota itu..
honestly, i've heard thousand of millions times people complaining, worrying, if they will end up get married very very late, and hold the titles like andartu and so on..
i've heard that, since i was..err....what, standard five? or was it three?
but not even once, i heard someone said,
"takutlah..macam mane kalau aku kahwin awal? aku takut aku kawin awal la.."
this situation might apply to some people, who i haven't met yet, perhaps..
But the other one,...

i'm not good at making notes, consoling others..
so, anyone, interested to make such note?
Coz actually to me, that was the biggest fear among teenagers or to be exact..hurm..an 'us'
'Semua orang takut kawin lambat'. That should be a sweeping statement, but painfully its kinda true.. for most people, esp gurls. Its  a culture thing. A taboo. Weighing more and more as year passed...

The first note mentioned above is a very good one too but its supposedly meant to be for the parents more, not the couples..not the youngsters..
Well, that was my opinion..just an opinion anyway...it could be wrong..
but that's how i see it..
from these yearsss....

So, could someone at least say things like;
Lambat atau cepat, itu kan dalam tangan Dia.. siapa tahu?
Instead of asking about people's ages, and telling them they are way too old to remain single?

apapun, lepas soalan awal dan lewat terjawab, soalan lain akan datang,
lama ke sekejap?

those old days; crazy little things called...

Monday, I'm waiting,
Tuesday. I'm still waiting,
to see, see..if you're fine.
Wednesday you're still not here,
neither in the morning, nor later,
Thursday is also empty,
Friday, Saturday or Sunday
None of the day that I don't miss you,
None of the day that you'll come back,
to be in our old days..
How long will it be like this?
-I dont know.
How many months or year,
How many billions memory of our past
I never 'dont miss you'

i know my eyes swollen a bit when she sang this with her friends..

somehow this movie brought me away, travelled to a place that was very familiar to me.
High school time should be among the moment that i knew i wont be able to forget..
Watching this movie, one by one, the scenes actually reminded me of myself during my school years, with my friends back then..
those fool and very very immatured things we did..
yeah, the scene when Nam passed that class just to see her inspiration, haa..who never did that?
Everyone must have their own little cute secret like that..
And its something so beautiful to remember and smiled at as years passed..
those dorky looks, stumbles here and there.. hit with a very very hard ball or racket or baton, or whatever that can hit you.. and of course with amazingly supportive and cute friends..
even though not as heart moving as 'keracunan kuku' in Laskar Pelangi but..yeah.. it does somehow bloom those memories.. real memories..
quoted from the trailer; 89% will have this experience, hurm even if its not exactly the same one, but..
 hands-up, i am one of the 89%.

Eh, Citer ini sangat super duper cute!
Ek ellehhh..tak yah ar tipu....sape tak pernah alami ini?


can't help falling for the cute button,
 esp. when I know whose the owner, for real.. ^_^

Tuesday, February 22

Me, the manager to be!

Profession, career, occupation, work, job and any other words used to describe it are just words, all the same,. It means or at least refers to the same thing.
But same or similar, words you used tend to have 'different class'.
Like someone with a profession sounds a bit more 'ahaa' than someone with a job.
Today, I found out  a new term for my career/occupation/profession/job/work-to-be ;
'manager of learning'.

Sounds cool huh?
I heard engineer (bukan calang-calang punyer engineer, engineer of mind kot! ^_^), doctor, lawyer, artist, idol, (and the list dragged longer with non living things like candle, map, compass, chalk and etc)  but this is really the very first time to hear someone used the word 'manager'.
Cik Guru is one the best profession ever, they could be anything producing anything.
Kilang Baja Pokok Kaktus wont produce Kicap Masin and Software for photo editing can't help merge sounds and fade it in a song.
Ok, that would be a very weird comparison to act as an analogy. Let start it again, a doctor could heal a technician, a blogger or a singer but he can't 'produce' one. An engineer could make a gigantic tower, beautiful chalet and amazing airports but not another 'insan', if you know what i mean.
But an English teacher can 'produce' a successful bussinessman or  a tour guide or a doctor or a fashion designer,
and a Maths teacher can 'produce' a Prime Minister or a firefighter or a movie producer or even a tauke restaurant. And teachers of other subjects , they can ...(ok, don't want to make 1000miles long entry) But you got what i mean.i know. for sure.
Cikgu-cikgu also are great in drawing, designing, and arranging stuff (just look at the list of pertandingan kelas cantek or sekolah bersih) and they are the best in raising kids! <<<Fact! The biggest family i've encountered was a mother with 16 children but for a teacher, 16 is the very least number of students they have in a form, not in the whole school, and not for the whole year,not just yet. Undeniably, their responsibility are equals to  half-time parents to these children.
And anyway, is there any other profession with more nicknames than us? 

So thanks to our lecturer for introducing this term.. 

Whatever it is, the point here is not to be overly proud and blablabla but,
seriously I found it quite annoying (originally i typed very) when people went 'ohhh' or 'aaah' when i answered their questions. 
'Study ape yer?'
"-Oooo...." and that fellow (mind my words) went total silent, flipping her book or notes or whatever paper that 'looks-really-important' while pretending that there was never very the very rancak conversation happened two minutes before. 
its like,.. really, "What's wrong with our course? ..or our job-to-be?"
That conversation happened in a flight, last summer break. So, there we are, boarded the same flight, sat close to one another (indirectly; its the same-economy-class-seats), and obviously, travelling to and fro the same destination. So, why would you went with that 'Ooo'? uuuuh...

Next time if I happened to meet this type of person, I hope I would remember to say something like,
 "erm, saya bakal manager" (or engineer or yeah....)HAHA.

Urgh..not really. Really, not really. 
Cikgi or Cikga or Cikgu sounds ok to me. 
I'm cool with that.
Words are just words anyway. But....(yeah, there is a 'but' here), 
* just words but there's no harm in pretending to use it 'between you and yourself' as a way or medium to boost your ..hurm., motivation, aims, objective or whateversss, 
therefore, ehhurm.., this manager-to-be is going to sleep now because she has early class tomorrow and its overly-past midnight now.

Pablo Picasso said everything you can imagine is real..Oh..i'm starting to have a very beautiful imagination now...so i'm off with that.

Saturday, February 19

the Man, who controls...

I just found myself attracted to this film..
Its good both for the story line and the whatever technology they used to make this film, providing the fact with tech-limitation at that time..
Anyway i guess I enjoyed watching it..
Better than any other movies we have to watch  for our class this sem.

*Alright..its black and white..most of the movies we need to watch in our class are black and white..but not all of them are dull and, boring...not this one, for sure.

Next in line, 1984.
the book seems too heavy. normal weight and size as any other books but...honestly, heavy. Mind-cracking type. I think maybe, maybe..SF books dont suit me much (*and then WTHIJK you picked this subject??!!). Anyway..erm..it is a creative book. What a lame comment. OK, fine, if I were to write a book about how future would look like, then maybe, my book would never published. I just can't have such strong imagination for that particular situation. Dreaming about how my life would look like in few years time, graduating, working, get married *???, kids and kicks, and blablabla years after;retired, and blablabla, and ntah..is tring enough that i often fall asleep with it. HAHA. Yeah, Its hard to imagine about my very own life, what more about the whole world.
Back to the story, in 1984, the big-brother things is a bit erm.. it would be such an understatement if i type 'scary' but yeah..how should i depict this? Having people watching you every second is traumatizing. Sigh. It does get scarier everyday, to think of how the future will be like.

"who controls the past controls the future.
who controls the present controls the past"

*though i really think it works better (in terms of rhythm and etc) if the second line comes first, but it is a nice quotation anyway.. :)

Thursday, February 17

million...Thank Yous

If thank you is enough, i wont stop saying it..
so bear with me and stay close together so that you'll be able to hear it again and again...

Thank Yous.. (-plural?......fai
led eng tcer =_=')

to my family...
to my housemates..
and my fellow friends..
thank you..
to Him..

alhamdulillah..for another year He gave me..

Monday, February 14

The Notes.

Trips and journey like this always remind me of our foundation years; zaman kami masih budak-budak hingusan. Itu dulu. walaupun sekarang pun kami masih demikian dek kerana kesejukan dan selsema yang amat.
Masa foundation madam pesan, selepas satu trip buat reflection, SWOT, reports and so on.
I guess its not too late to start practicing it now..
So for this trip; the SWOT and the geng, I would have to summarise it this way;

1. Northern Ireland notes and Scottish notes look nice to me. I love them. Esp., the design. However it is not adviseable to use it at other parts of UK (like in my case, using Scottish pound in England) because some people don't recognise these notes and would think of the word 'fraud' when you try to pay things using these 'unrecognised' notes. I said some. Not all.
2. Irish coffee; famous for the mouth watering cream on top and the taste of the coffee itself. However, there are whiskey in it. Not that much, but enough to say, 'Yes, this drink have alcohol in it. Thus, we can't drink it because we are Muslim.' when asked.
3. In Dublin, there are trams (like in famous spot in UK and France) and they call it LUAS. And, no the pronunciation is not lu-as as in Malay word for 'wide', its  a bit more like lu-es. 
4. When purchasing the tickets for the LUAS, there might be a girl or lady or anyone lar there and this person will keep on insisting to help you esp if you seems hesitate to select the correct one (diff lane, direction..). If you let them help, bear in mind, the changes ie coins from the machine will go straight to their pocket. If you refuse, prepare for the F bullets. 
5. Last year, @ Exeter train sttn,we met people from Timor Leste and they mistaken us as a group of Indonesian. In Dublin,to my surprise we were asked if we are from Thailand, and later at Bristol, an Indonesian lady thought that we are from Brunei. And really, I don't understand how was it, we inherit the 'look' from every neighbouring country, but not from our own. Sociology vs biology?? Don't tell me the result. >.<
6. Travelling in winter means travelling as budak-budak hingusan. And I meant it. Every single word. Hence, it is always important to at least know where the nearest Boots or Superdrugs are when you couldn't find any more tissues in your bags.
7. I love Tesco doughnut. They are my next makanan asasi after nasi, and maggi.
8. Things happen. It happens when things happened. Expect the worst, be prepared, said Madam Nori. 3 hours (at least) emergency time is a big must in long journey (and especially the one involving lotsa money). Back up plan A, B, C, D to Z also, as usual, mandatory. 
9. Unlike UK, in Ireland we can take any passing cab to reach our destination. In UK, we have to call the cab to book it first, even if its midnight, even if its an emergency. (I've tried once, they won't let you in).
10. Random. Don't ask where the nearest ATM machine is. You might not get the answer soon enough. Alter the question. It's cash machine, not ATM machine.
11. In Dublin, Taco Fries from Rico's is the best of the best. Great price and great taste. A must try. -only applicable for cheese and lamb lover. 
12. In Ireland, Garda means police and Busanna is bus. I'm not sure how to pronounce it though. And Spar means kedai runcit. I know how to pronounce this one. Exactly how you would pronounce it. 
13. I love pashmina. I love the way it keeps my head warm when every part of my body turned blue and freeze.
14. Bristol buses wont give discount to other students outside of the area. NUS card are so nothing here. So, their day rider would be the most expensive one for me, 4 gbpound.
15. St Valentine's body is in Dublin.Which is why the cab driver thought that we came here for Valentine's day. "sorry, but we dont..celebrate it.". He must be surprised hearing that.

**tibe-tibe teringat lawak dalam kelas tadi. While discussing about communication, my lecturer asked us, "What people usually do in 14th Feb? What would they do on this date?" Suddenly somebody replied; "They went to class". OUchhh!!


Its been 5 days.
Five meaningful days.Travelling is always and always a good source to fill in the free space in your brain-hard-drive.
For this journey, perhaps few more errr..GB? Wait, that would be such an understatement then.
For this journey, perhaps I've used several more terabytes space....

so many things to see,so many things to learn,
so many things to say.Will be updating more on it soon.
Physically exhausted.

Day 1: A short 2-hours-journey from Plymouth to Bristol Airport via train.
Thanks my dear housemates for the cucur pisang. Keep on munching one by one in the train, its silent coach, of course we shouldn't eat anything like crackers and stuff..we surely could eat cucur silently... :P
Hours to kill in the airport. Thanks to buku cantek sebab ayat2 anda buat saya dapat tidur. And of course to all the food we brought. a happy tummy will bring you happy dreams. haha.

Day 2: Bristol to Dublin.
Safely landed at errr before 8 in the morning. Dublin yang cantek. The bus was a bit delayed, but it should be ok because the weather was nice and all..so...,never mind. I'll take it as a gift; extra time to enjoy the view.

Next destination, Belfast.
Ok I just can't stop myself form snapping this picture. I love the words they used. So hot guys and girls, littering will deduct your 'hotness' mark! Note that!!

Belfast castle. I dont want to say anything, Let these pictures talk.

Belfast City Hall..

housemates....i wish we were castle mates instead..hehe

yang senget di sini ialah gambar, bukan castle
istana sebelah laut. can see almost the whole city from here

Day 3: Giant Causeway
tiket? 4 pounds please..  

 I got one word for it, GAYAT. Had trembling feet all the way...

batu-batu terbentuk selepas letusan volcano.
mungkin hasil tangan yang bernama manusia.

dilarang panjat kecuali memakai kasut
 adek beradik ASADI dan Jimmy Choo.. ( i got half way only)
Day 4: Dublin yang cantek!

x dapat LOndon EYe, Dublin pon OK.. :)


Used to be the main cathedral for Dublin Castle..now..erm..tempat mlawat je kot..

 Day 5: Bristol and finally Plymouth...
i love this thing...its somewhere near the 'aqua-place' at the city..

it was raining all day in Bristol.. 
both camera and the owner dont want to work on that day..
so that's it, of the buildings and views and etc..

and now finally.........

no matter how magnificent the views are..you wont be able to enjoy it with an empty tummy..
so here... grateful. 

Thanks and thousand millions of thanks to bakal-bakal doktor yang comel-comel di Dublin for letting us stay with you and cooking superb food, the chit-chat we had *you know which part trilled me most! and all things we shared..thanks a lot. To our new friend in Bristol and her housemates, you guys sangat mengagumkan. Kalau nak jual ubat jadi pandai dan rajin dan awet muda, let me know yer? And hostel kat Belfast sebab layan kami dengan baik dan bagi balik duit air hot chocolate cair kami..hehe..And untuk PW, sadly I would have to say that I wont give your website link to my friends if they're planning to visit this place. It must be my mistake for thinking that you will take good care of us in every sense and not just to drive us to our destination. To our Mr tour guide; Troy, your jokes are awful and I hope you are not planning to repeat it again nor using us as the main character in your next jokes. Lesson much? My lesson would only be not to try this again. But still...thanks anyway. For anything. 

and when He promises, He will fulfill it...Inshirah; console,comfort.
 I learnt a lot more and more in every journey we made.. glad that it went well all the way.
There are problems and mencabar-jiwa stuff happens of course.. but as Allah promises in suratul Al -Inshirah, He will help us. will. 
  With every difficulty, there is relief. Verily, with every difficulty, there is relief. (5-6)

 This journey has strengthen not only our ukhwah, but also faith in HIM. Semoga setiap perjalanan kami selepas ini akan merapatkan kami sesama kami, juga mendekatkan kami dengan Pencipta kami. InsyaAllah.

Tuesday, February 8

Winner of the best trophy.

'He wants the trophy. But he can't handle the attention that the trophy got'

I think, this is a phrase that was nicely said to summarise such situation. Situation like, a husband got super duper jealous over the attention his wife received. (To be exact; his heart heartbreakingly beautiful and mesmerizing wife). I heard this quote from Mrs Caroline, a comment made upon a poem entitled 'The Last Duchess' by Robert Browning.

This is a something that we could relate to the real life. Not just a phrase for a poem.
Of course, I think possibly every one would wish to have a beautiful wife and handsome husband. I mean, sape tak nak Lisa Surihani and Robbert Pattinson kan? *contoh je. But the thing is, it really doesn't really matter if you win her/his heart. The most important thing is to make sure you are fully capable to control and conquer your own heart.

Back to the poem. In this poem, jealousy won. The Duke killed his Duchess because somehow, well to cut it short, he let his jealousy conquered his heart. He still admire her beauty and remember every single details about her physical attraction till the end but what is beauty if you could only preserve it in a portrait and not in real life?

But yeah, if you really want someone merely because of the beauty he/she got then you better buy his/ her portrait. Its forever yours and thousand times easier to take care of. No doubt.

My ustazah masa form 5 dulu pesan, "nak cari laki/bini, cari yang kurang rupa paras dari kamu. Yang tak hensem or tak lawa sangat. Senang nak jage dier, dan lagi senang nak jaga hati sendiri."


Its been a wonderful Tuesday. Finally. Its been a while since I could say such thing. Not on Tuesday. Not, particularly on Tuesday.
I was in a good mood, and I think, everybody else around me too, in a very good mood.
I learnt great stuff today, and had a great pleasant journey.
The cab was 7 minutes early, and I didn't missed any buses too.
What a day.
Thanks Ma and Sis, I received the gift and was wearing it today. It is such a good day, because I keep on smiling to see what I was wearing. And of course, I actually did that for the whole day. :)
Everything was fine. And hopefully it remains so as its going to be a busy weekend this time!

Monday, February 7

less than 3.

barang borek, tuan rintik.
some people said, barang-barang kite kadang-kadang ikut perangai tuan dier.
my barang-barang sangat suka merajuk
anyway, if i like to merajuk or terase hati or what, of course la, human kan ade hati.
jam tak de, ade enjin jer,
handphone takde, just ade ape-ape lah yg komplikated kat dalaman dier tu,
heater lagilah takde, ade wire je banyak.
My watch died few hours after I said, I want to buy a new one next year.
My handphones was stolen after I said I want to try out new phone..
And my heater, please honey why do you have to die now?
I need you, so very much now. And kedai sangat jauh. And nak beli online, nak online sangat susah sekarang. And.... Urghhhhhhh.
But anyway, farewell heater, its been very great; those 13 months I spent with you. Cheh, dan-dan je bagi lepas warranty!

Enough of part sakit hati.

Part seronok hati.
.'less than 3'.

'un-twin me', could you?
Why do we cry while claiming that we are happy?
Its because,
just because, we are obviously too happy.too.
So, on this beautiful occasion, I just have to say, 
my present wont be needed physically as I am there all the time,                      
part of me is undeniably, always there.
that's why to un-twin us would be hard.
very hard.

Wednesday, February 2

i'm ok!

Pernah tak??
Mengalami kejadian-kejadian yang amat mistik seperti ini;
*Mistik di sini adalah bermaksud mysterious: having an import not apparent to the senses nor obvious to the intelligence; beyond ordinary understanding; "mysterious symbols"; "the mystical style of Blake"; "occult lore"; "the secret learning of the ancients" by http://www.thefreedictionary.com (tak jumpa kamus bahasa Melayu kat internet)

1. Komputer anda rosak, anda cuba jaya pelbagai gaya, kuak lentang dan kupu-kupu mahupun kura-kura, tetap tak berjaya. Terangkan pada pakar di kedai service komputer, dan tunjukan masalah itu, tibe-tibe, zupppp!!! Tadaaaa., your computer suddenly smile brightly with such a great shining eye, and proudly say "I'm OK!".
2. Anda tidak sihat. Demam. Macam nak mati punya tak larat. 2 hari tak ok jugak. So, anda di bawa ke klinik. Tiba-tiba sambil menunggu giliran, anda rasa lain macam. dan sejam kemudian doktor mengesahkan, 'eh, ok je?" suhu ok, BP ok, semua ok?. Tak demam pon........
3. Handphone takde line, eh tak dapat line. Tak dapat dan tak dapat. Semua orang dapat. Handphone pelbagai jenama kepunyaan pengguan berbagai syarikat telekomunikasi. Kawan anda ambik phone itu, dan cube, eh "I'm ok je.., dapat la...."
4. Pintu tak boleh bukak. Memang tak boleh. Betol, tak boleh. Sungguh ni. Orang tu datang tolong pun tak boleh jugak. Tiba-tiba, dalam keadaan bebelan masih tinggal 2 paragraph, orang yang baru datang dan cuba membantu tersenyum. Eh, dah ok la...!
5. Internet erm., wireless tak dapat connection langsung. Semua browser di cuba, semua cara di guna. Tak dapat. Bukak page yang kurang ilmiah seprti Ebay tak dapat. Page yang suci seperti Learning Space pun tak dapat. 2 hari 2 malam cubaan terus gagal. Masih tersangkut dengan nombor 45 itu.  Esoknya, sampai sahaja dalam IT suite, sambil terangkan pada pak cik yang baiki/ service internet connection di campus, tiba-tiba bila pakcik tu tengok laptop tuh, zxupp "I'm ok!". Tadaaaa..page hotmail, yahoomail, etcmail, facebook, legbook, penumbukbook semua kuar dengan sihat dan gemilangnya.'it's ok." said that pak cik.
mistik kan?
macam mana boleh ok tibe-tibe?
barang-barang kepunyaan sendiri itu, kenapa bila tuan dia buat dia tak nak ok, tapi kat kedai dia ok? dengan jayanye? dengan bergayanya?
ya..dengan jayanya, dan bergayanya barang-barang anda mengkianati anda dengan cara yang amat memalukan.

and the worst part is, nobody would believe you and your long explanation about how it happened.
and of course, you can't go back to the same shop/place to get help when you needed next time. not at least in a month.
Wait, how long people usually need to forget a poor face that made fool of herself by claiming her stuff did not work, (and apparently it is actually ok.)?


a box with a hole

"spending your time is like spending your money. a box full of money perhaps. 
except that, the box that contains your time has a hole at the bottom, so your time keep goes out."

i like this idea; time, in a box with a hole.
Margaret Atwood sure is brilliant with words.
this is exactly what i feel most of the time.
like holding the time, which i claimed and thought to be mine,
holding it carefully and sometimes i feel like i just dont have enough O2,
for trying hard to hold the box and cover the hole at the same time.
And sometimes the hole seems to be larger and its totally exhausting to move on.
Like now, tell me, when exactly the calendar turned to February's page?
How come I didn't relieze it...//

**phrase reflected from Oryx and Crake by M.Atwood ^^.