...and the foot steps that I leave behind

Saturday, September 25

hati yang tersenyum.

Waiting, waited, await..
I have been waiting and doing all sorts of things..while counting, plus 7..plus 7..plus 7...
waiting for the correct time.
Blamed myself. Too addicted with that movie that i missed my skype time this afternoon.
Skype is one of the best features in this laptop that i keep on falling in love with!
it's just the GMT thing...really disturbing...
and also when Mozilla and Chrome took the wrong lane, perhaps for taking 'lesen terbang' or not even passed the driving part...it keeps on crashing...
hate it when that box pops up "Ops. Your Mozilla has crashed!" or "Google Chrome has crashed and all your data are not secured"...Its tiring and frustrating..and keep on entering the username, password, and wait for another 45 seconds..
that's the lousy part..
the best part still..
thanks to the internet..to the network..though it keeps on expressing hatred towards me and my laptop..

to finally hear that velvet voice..
doesn't matter what topics came out,
don't even count how many minutes or hours passed..
it would never be enough.
i am so happy to hear it.
happy to the extend that people often said..
something like "if heart had a face, it will definitely smile too"

iya...kalau hati ini ada mulut, bibirnya pasti akan ikut senyum....

love you mom.
love you too dad.
love you all.

Friday, September 24

school is cool...(and so i wish)

Bang!! kedebusyhh!

Atomic size of a giant piece of paper full with so many letters and words and numbers and so few dots.
The class begins,and so the schedule read.
First, class...second, school and third..lets not continue.

I was like ..erm...hurm...X@#$^%&%&+#
as i read through, actually not even a quarter part of the schedule.
Life as a student re-begin.
But at least, taking a positive side of it,
life won't be as 'funny' as how it has been lately,
watching lots of movie and drama from entire universe; US, Korean, Thai, Indonesia, British, and of course from my very own country, I am a bit confused whether I have become smarter or 'duller' (if such word ever exist) by doing this 24/7 now.
Having lots of classes could help me stop counting days as well...
all 3in1..
hurm..miss Malaysia and all sort of 3in1 drinks there.

Thursday, September 23

tanda sayang.

The saying goes like this;
sayang isteri tinggal-tinggalkan, sayang anak tangan-tangankan”.
And so, as the children do we have to do the same to our parents?
Ma always said “marahlah abah tu, ubat malas telan, makan, pantang x jaga, suruh rehat lagi buat kerja berat”
And Abah keep saying “pergilah, tak payahlah balik sokmo. Abah bimbang anak abah, kalau balik sokmo, kerja, balajar macam mana? Duit ok ke balik je ni..jangan risaulah, pergi jer”
How do we ignore our parents and refuse their request, even their forever favourite food just because the one with the long white coat said no? How could we go, being far away doing our own stuff and stay like that when we couldn’t stop worrying about them. How would we think just about ourselves and forget about them when actually they are part of us. I really want them to be happy. I have learnt his favourite dish which is now banned by the same guy in a white long coat, and though i wanted so badly to cook it for him I will have to keep it aside. And I couldn’t bear seeing her doing things on her own an d no one to help out,, but for now, there is another place that I had to go and place this worry aside.
It hurts to scold your own parents, it hits double when you also have to leave. I guess I know it now, they must have felt the same whenever they had to punish me for my naughtiness. And the same to refuse and let me cry at the shop where I beg them to buy me toys. And again when I sulked for not being allowed to eat KFC and Pepsi. And even when they had to leave me to be on my own outside of this state and this district for the first time when I registered at KMPk. And maybe even now, when they had to ‘chase away’ their children at the time they need them the most.
Of course it won’t be easy. But if it cost this much to prove how much we care and love, then i shall endure it for them.
Leave. But i promised to come back, ain’t i?

Tuesday, September 21

sorry; the only word left.

There were so many things that i wanted to do, so many places to go, and so many people that i'm dying to meet during last holiday.
The fact that i was unable to complete all of it,
i knew somehow i have hurt you, my dear friends..,
sorry was the only word i could say.
I guess you all knew it well now, why i couldn't.
There are something else, bigger and vital for me.
That Someone.
Someone that means possibly everything for me.
That I would give up so many things for.
Thus, i'm sorry.

Fate was fated.

if i was given the chance again,
we'll shall meet next time.
i lost 7 weeks while i blinked my eyes..
now lets just wait for another monthss ahead..
Miss all those daysss..
miss all of you..
you, whom i know should know who i meant here.

Monday, September 20

i did shout "WAIT"

i had a magically beautiful dream..
i guess it would sound a bit lame if i name it...
ok, what else would sound so heaven to me?
Malaysia..and my family.
I dreamt about it.

"Hey you, few days here and you were thinking of going back again?"
Well, sorry, but my answer would be "i actually have checked out airlines websites.."

Obsessed? haha..why not just say "possessed".

The new intake arrived..more students and more neighbours.
The whole area will be full of belacan smell soon. I actually have considered the idea that they might be the reason for such dreams....
Anyway, back to my dream.
I did ask the dream to wait and not to leave that soon..
But as i wake up this morning..
I am back here, on my bed with that thick-but-not-that-warming duvet.
Huhh.. unsatisfied. When would i be anyway...

So tonight, if i got this dream again, please don't call my house number and disturb this dream!

so that they will hear me when i say wait..

Friday, September 17

zero point.

Time flies...
i just can't stop wonder which airlines does it take..
super duper flashing fast! (ape aku merepek!)
if i know the answer, i won't be picking that airlines to come back here..here? Oh yes here.
Back to this seat, this room and this.. is here.

Alhamudulillah, i still have the O2 in and CO2 out.
and NOT the other way around.
for sure.
Watching people moving around, and doing the same thing, I could only thanked HIM for giving me this chance...
for not taking it away (yet) as well.

Sept 17,..
and i think i actually have zero to write.


ok, that's my zero,.
sorry for writing merepek!

Wednesday, September 8

Selamat Hari Raya, HEART...

Ramadhan hampir berlalu,
Ya Allah, Kau terimalah segala amalan2 ku di bulan mulia ini.
Ya Allah, yang Maha Mendengar dan Mengetahui,
kabulkan doa2 kami di bulan RamadhanMu yang penuh barakah ini.
padaMu jua tempat kami bergantung.

Pada semua, selamat hari raya..
maybe better untuk aku wish siap2. esok dan lusa kan benda yang x pernah pasti...
so, Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir dan Batin.
tulus dari aku..buat kamu2.
yang ikhlas...