fear

losing is frightening,

when parting hurts

and leaving is a pain.

Sini vs Sana.....

Majlis Penutupan Buku lama dan Pelancaran Buku Baru berlangsung dgn jayanyer.

masing2 mngangkat tgn menadah tgn dan mengaminkan doa.

Indahnya kampung sndiri,

sepi,.. tapi sepinya, sepi yg hepi,

Hurm, patotlah org kate, "hujan emas negeri org, hujan batu negeri sendiri, lebih baik di negeri sendri".

Dulu mase kecik2 ade gak terpikir, apelah punyer pribahase...emas ngan batu? lau kata mas kuning vs mas putih ke berlian ke nmpak gak lah ape logiknyer.

Tapi now barulah notice, ade maknernyer sndiri dlm peribahasa tu. Wlaupun aku sgtlah suke menukar peribahasa yg ade, buat peraturan bahase aku sndri dan merojak laksakan bahasa even lam entry ni pon, tp aku suke bahasa2 ni.percayalah. isyk, percaye je lah..xkan nk tunggu Datok Ct nyanyi baru nk percaye????

ok2.berbalik kpada peribahasa itu. Cube pikir2 n renung. Emas and batu. Ape fungsinyer? tanyer mane2 manusia, semua tahu emas, ley pkai lah.. (opss for muslim, ppuan je) buat perhiasan, tanda kemewahan, simbol cinta (dan mahalnye hantaran..jeng3) dan sebagai2nyer. Batu? Batu fungsinyer xpernah hilang, mase hidup, batu jadi secret ingredient yg x berape secret utk hasilkan sebuah rumah. Rumah=perlindungan=selesa=keluarga=++++. Bley tolong asah pisau lagik..lau zaman dulu kale siap ley gune wat tulis surat. Itu batu masa hidup. Bila dah mati batu tuh bley jadik batu nesan plak. bukan nk seramkan sape2 malam2 ni..but just nk ckp je. Lau emas, ley ke wat rumah? mmglah ade lak rekod dunia, tandas termahal dunia dibina 100% pkai emas, (which i think, is the hideous mistake ever), ade ke patot...byk g tmpat lain yang oiiii...Anyway, emas juga, xley ikot g kubur...unlike batu td.

so, kat sini jelas lagi nyata dan bersuluh pakai lampu kat highway dh ni..mmg x syak lagi peribahasa ini sgt betol dan relevant.

hari ini, aku noticed lagi satu keadaan yg serupe. Sane, macam2 berry, blueberry, gooseberry,strawberry, cranberry, blablablaberry ade..but the saying goes like this...macam2 berry kat negeri orang, baik lagi duri2 negeri sendiri.

yer, pada hari ini, 5 biji durian telah terkorban dalam satu kemlangan ngeri melibatkan perot kosong, pisau besar yg amat tajam (a.k.a. golok) dan sape lagi..durian2 itulah..kata2 umum bahawa durian adalah raja segala buah juga didapati benar. sesungguhnye, hanya durian shaja yg terkorban hari ini, rambutan, duku dan lain2 masih menuggu giliran msg2.

oh ya, sebelum hari ini, iaitu semalam, beberapa ekor ayam kampung dan 10 atau lebih ekor ikan keli juga telah selamat landing dlm perut2 yg kosong.

Sejak smpai dan jejak kaki ke rumah sndiri aku perasan smtg. Aku dh x giler nk on9. itu perkare number 14 jer...baru aku tahu, slame ni kat sane, mmg tujuan aku on9 adlah nk kip in touch (tp x ley sentuh pon) dgn family, hurm..selain nk wat assginment, carik bahan etc (ni bohong jer). So now that i'm here, there's no need for that. skype ym dan sbgainyer...baru je bukak td.hehe..since kami ade projek xlamae lagik..kenelah jugak jngok2 email2 n Fb in case ade ape2 yg kene update kan. hurm..iye.hurm. oh ya, my shoe size changed! new shoe for hari raye, n yg beli kat sane mmg ley pkai sane je. mungkin faktor suhu dn pengembangan urat kaki puncanyer. n then, yer, i'm a bit taller now. haha.funny. salah siape nih? i tot after 18 we can't grow taller? ntahlah...well, i did.

ok,.dgn tidak mahu melalut lagi, saya dgn ini mengucapkan slmt mlm, n salam nisfu syaaban. :) jom kite pelihara buku baru! ayoh!!!

LOVE BEING simply ME

Waktu Malaysia, 23:30.Ok. Sekarang, dengan rasminya, entry ini ditaip dr KLIA..dekat KFC..hehe..akhirnya selepas mrentasi berbagai benua, dan melepak di bermacam airport dan negara..aku jejak jugak tanah air sendiri.

Oh, ini sungguh pelik..

hurm..

okay, the journey was great..its tiring and i still could feel my bones shaking but i guess, overwhelmed by the fact that i am now at my own place, this feeling has indeed eclipsed the boredom, tiring and so forth..

enough about that.

I would write again about how wonderful it feels to be in here..

but now, i still can't forget what happened through out the journey.

30 minutes before we landed at Cairo, the nice lady beside me suddenly asked something, that moment, right after i took off the ear phone.

"Do you always wear this?".

What do you think, what should this question referred to?

jeng jeng jeng...

its my tudung/scarf/hijab/any other names for it.

and then, the 30 minutes passed by with lots of questions , answers, explanations, criticism, and many more...

To cut it short,

here are the things that I would like to stress on again. If anyone out there are still wondering, here is my answer, my very own answer.

1. I am wearing what i choose to wear, and no one, absolutely no one, no any particular man for sure, forced me to dress up like this.I wear the way you see i do out of my obedience to my God, Allah swt.

2. My hijab is not a symbol of oppression by anyone. I am NOT BEING OPPRESSED by anyone, not even by this hijab. I am instead, feel more oppressed by various criticism and strange stare given towards my choice of dressing...

3. I am not locked behind, my parents did not closed 'any possible doors' for me to see the outside world. (ironic enough having heard this, when I am in a plane, travelling across thousands miles from my own country).

4. Absolutely no one, not even my parents will forced me to agree with 'arranged marriage". And this also, not "the only thing they let me to decide".

5. Yes, today, lots of teenagers dare enough and crazy over different hairstyles, and dying to try every single one. I am a teenager too, but I do not feel tense on the fact I cant do that, in public. I will try some if i want at home...

6. I do attend party, (if birthday and farewell party considered as a party to you). and I enjoyed myself, the way I want to. It does not involve drinking and xoxo but the way people enjoyed themselves is subjective. Mine, do satisfy me. I am 100% sure.

7.I live in a country name "Malaysia". It is a country, a safe and free from any wars. It is peace here. We do have 27 millions citizen, and I do not lie, there are more than 10 different ethins and races in Malaysia, which also mean there are lots of different religion and languages used here.

8. There are no winter, spring, summer, autumn in Malaysia, but we do have sun and rains, and sometimes, it does, with thunderstorm and even flood.

9.I do understand few words, of Arabic Language. No one said it is a compulsory to learn a particular language.

10. When I said, what's in your heart is important, I do mean it. I cannot be the one to take full responsibility of everyone's heart even though their religion is the same as mine. And yes, there are suicide bombing cases as you said, and lots of war too, I won't deny any of this, but this has nothing to do with my scarf, and oppression.

11. Yes, London is a great city, I like it a lot too. Like i said, Its beautiful and even more beautiful as it reminds me of Malaysia. There are people of widely different races, religions and so on live there and we accept each other. They never, ever stare at my scarf.

12. I think I have made myself very clear, my hijab is an obligation for my religion, it is not an oppression, nor stealing my freedom. Though you think, it is unfair that man dont have to wear this while we have to, I am not feeling stressed over that matter. They (men) do not dominate my choices, my worlds neither my freedom.

Its very frustrating to me, when you keep on saying that you are an open minded person which is why you think people should be accepted as who they are. Its weird, to say that you are open minded one when you can't open your eyes and see for yourself that I am not crying when I wear this, I do not take it as a burden at all. You should accept differences, including what religion they choose, and what dress they choose to wear.It is again, another frustrating moment, when you refused to accept what i said simply because i'm being honest about my age. Age has nothing to do with one's knowledge and opinion. I am not 'just a baby'. My answers come straight from me, and only me. And thanks for keep saying that i am a nice girl, but sorry, i am not 'a nice girl whom poorly being kept away from the outside world'. i am free, but my freedom is not visible for your eye.

Thanks for listening, i'm actually glad that you asked me instead of carry on with your own assumption. Though you refused to acknowledge what i said due to my age, and also because of lots of other people whom you met before, but I still hope some of these will open up a bit, even if its a tiny one, a door for others to see the truth. Thanks for your concern, but again, this scarf/hijab/etc, does not hurt me at all, not physically, emotionally and not even in terms of freedom.

Thanks for reading. Please, this is my opinion, genuinely from my heart and mind. I hope anyone who is reading this would accept it. I am not trying to change anything, I just want to make clear on your curiosity and hope this will clear off the wrong perceptions about it. By saying this, and writing it down here, I have done my part.

and all i need is YOU

a picture worth a thousand word...

i was quite frustrated that no one ever acknowledge how much a letter could have worth...

and for now..this is the letter that i don't want to miss...

and tomorrow, the journey to complete these words shall begin.

Ya Allah, to You I pray..

may all the steps that we take will be with your guide and bless.

three traffic light

the first one

shows red,

the second one

shows yellow,

the last one

shows green.

which one do your follow?

it is our daily event, in whatever we do.

the light is always useful to guide us walking in the dark, but how sure are we, that we are following the right one...

halwa dan telinga

Si pemuzik cerita merayau rayau

14 negeri habis dijajah

mencari di serata ceruk daerah

telinga telinga yang sedang sunyi

yang laparkan hiburan muzik ceritanya

Si pemuzik cerita menemui telinga

telinga buta yang sunyi kini hinggar

mendengar alunan muzik rancak

cerita cerita pelbagai rentak

Si pemuzik cerita dan si telinga buta

terus berhibur memperdengarkan dan mendengar

permainan kata-kata ganda jadi cerita

cerita satu bertukar dua

cerita dua berganda tiga,

muzik cerita terus rancak

merdu nyaring, garau lalu serak

muzik cerita diteruskan

Si pemuzik cerita mencari telinga buta

lupa pada janji yang di beri

lupa pada kata yang tak di kota

cerita terus beralun, rancak dan meriah

makin banyak telinga yang panas

makin banyak hati yang marak

makin banyak mangsa yang parah

banyak juga ria si pemuzik cerita

apa sudahnya si pemuzik cerita

lagu yang sama diulang putar

diolah baru menjadi segar

apa sudahnya si pemuzik cerita

mencari telinga buta yang sunyi dari kata

apa sudahnya cerita si pemuzik cerita


p/s: Someone has inspired me to write this, for being truthfully concern of other's life more than h own life. Thanks for being such a caring person. Life is hard enough, hope you still have some free time to look after yours.

murderer

"procrastination is a self assassin"

i'll be killed in a few more days if i continued delaying it...

nope, i want to go home soonnnn..

so,

good,

L&L, here i come.

This is 'my root'. What's yours?

World Cup mania ended. So, Spain took the most wanted title this year. I was a bit upset that Germany lost to this team that day. This is the third times that i feel bad for your lost , 2002, 2006 and 2010,..hurm.... To those who said "see, Paul the sotong already said so", this is what i have for you: Go and get a life. Octopus? I pity the poor octopus for being used in such way, but i pity to those who have been so obsessed with it even more. I could understand the feverish or any syndrome they have over World Cup games but i really can't get this obsession. Funny,-in both meaning of this term.

I might not be a really patriotic person, but anything to do with my country has always caught my attention in a split second. During the world cup weeks, someone posted on Facebook about how lousy Malaysia player played football. Its frustrating and very upsetting for me to see a Malaysian, pure Malaysian criticizing his own country in public. Its true, I know it would be a far way for our team to be qualified and listed in World Cup, but you really dont have to post a shout out and laughing out your own country like that.

It might seem pathetic for you to hear that i still praise our team for their effort, but it is even worst than pathetic to see a such ungrateful student to mock and put such remarks to his own country. What more if your are a teacher to be. Can't really imagine you teaching your students, filling up their motivation and the patriotism value when you yourself don't have respect for you own country.

Malaysia Boleh and Malaysia always Boleh, but the path would be a lot harder with such pesimistic and ungrateful people like you. Sorry for being harsh. I thought of meeting you and sing Negaraku and Malaysia Oh Tanah Airku. In case you have forgotten. But never mind, glad that somebody else did. :) double thumbs up for the other Mr. Cikgu to be.

I guess the phrase "di mana bumi di pijak, di situ langit dijunjung" wont particularly fit the situation, but indeed, anywhere you go,

never forget the sky from which you felt the first cold rain drop and the land that let you put your feet on, when you first learnt how to walk.

tIktOk-TikTok-tiKtoK

first of all, this is not, i repeat NOT a commercial break promotion for 'Teko' milk brand.

i have been browsing here and there, up and down for hours and hours ..and now suddenly its almost sunrise. The clock is ticking still and the birds beautifully continue their same yet never-goes-weary song.

tick tock tick tock..time passed..

tick tock tick tock..yesterday ended.

tick tock tick tock..today begins

tick tock tick tock..yesterday=history

tick tock tick tock..today=journey

tick tock tick tock.....tomorrow=victory??

dont ask, dont even try to answer..

i have always remind myself not to regret over things that had happened..

cause i know, far too well

sunset: a conflict ended, sunrise: a hope begins

sunrise:another risk to take, sunset:the battle ended

there's no way out..face it..smile for whatever waiting for you next, and thank to whatever you faced before for teaching you to smile afterwards.

... and i could never freeze today as it would still leave me to become another yesterday.

p/s:owh..kind of missing that moment now..home+ family+tv+funny tv3 commercial break

OPPSs! Curiosity didn't kill them...

IN the proverb list:

'Curiosity killed the cat'

its stated there; cat. only cat!

Which is why, people dont learn anything from this proverb. Because, well...

"HELLO, it wont killed human, it only killed the CAT!"

Sorry. I am not a cat hater, though i don't particularly love it. I just write this out of my concern to how dangerous it could be to us even if we do not have 4 legs and a tail. There are people who are hurm.., I should say "super-curious homo-sapiens" among us. That is a fact.

I dont mind if it is for a good purpose.

With the career path i chose, i will be needing this element too.

It's just that, be more careful with your curiosity. It might not kill you literally, nor blood shed or misplace bone and missing organ,but

consider how it might somehow kill your friendship for instance.

so, why not keep it locked behind sometime?

when the nature said 'you are welcome'

another great journey of exploring the earth...spending my summer holiday to the most.

i dont have much to write or to be exact, to type here by now..

so i prada opps..i mean i guess,...

hurm i'll just pass the baton to these pictures to do the talking..

:)

p/s: sorry for the cropping and also the so few pictures available, i had to abide by my own privacy rule.

castle

what an early morning to start writing my blog entry again..entry? yes..MSN blog-space influence.

its another beautiful morning, so quite, and of course raining; as stated in the weather forecast, just like yesterday. Edward Cullen and his clan would be more than happy if they could spend their 'eternity' here, a place where rain is a must while sunny days are highly rare cases here, even in summer! But I guess thats how this place took place in my heart, by being, almost, just almost close to what i call my sweetest home land. Its raining a lot back in Terengganu too. Especially my home..my castle.

"an Englishman's home is his castle"

...so what would you say about a Malay girl's castle?

just the same, mine doesn't involve any prince charming with white horses either, not of course any bad witches as well..

Enough with a loving family that shall always keep my heart pumping warmly..even if it's the coldest day of all..

baiti jannati (my home, my heaven)

weak

i grew tired with things around me...and people also..

no, its not their fault. not at all. its me, just me. i am too tired and lost to handle this any longer.

please please please....why on earth days suddenly become way too long?

is it because of summer?

theoretically, well scientifically, days are a lot longer

during summer...but its still 24 hours right?

i feel so exhausted to watch and wait for the clock to continue ticking..

the sound from it is killing me.

i could just turn it myself and make it faster...but i guess then people can immediately start calling Derriford Hospital people and then throw me inside there.

people said, if we keep waiting, then things would seem much longer. so.., dont wait?

how to do that?

right. So again,

summer, the time when i got bored waiting for the sunset,

and then winter, the time where i go tired waiting for the sunrise..

and after all, i'm human. normal human. never satisfied. greedy.

the F words...

How should i forgive, when you never apologize?

how could i forget, as you keep remind me of it?

how do i let go, the things that remain forever.

that is something that i could never erase from my mind.

i wished i could... but thousand times beaten, over and over again..

i just cant...

i have always wondered myself,

does forgiveness itself belongs to me?

if so,

Ya Allah,

my prayer is for you, to make my heart grow stronger yet softer..

soften my heart,

amin.

the writer

life, is a story.

a continuously written story,

it is a story about you,

there may be sometimes, appearance by others,

extra actresses, extra actors.

some of them might be very meaningful to you.

some might even become very influential as well

but never, let others become the authors of your life.

cause you would never realized how fragile your life is,

until one day,

when a decision was made, and you suddenly come to regret.

write and continue your story,

its up to you,

what genre would it be,

its up to you,

whether its a fairy tale, beautiful story or a messy plot

write it thoughtfully, wisely

because we never know,

when is the due date,

the time where we will be called,

to submit our story to Him.

Al-Imran 185: 'Every soul shall have a taste of death'

perfect

the most imperfect thing that you can never do perfectly is trying to make yourself perfect in front of others

we all have our own foible..

the only way to live a perfect life is to accept it, and having people all around you accepting you

for who you are..

let go of the inimical words you heard...

its mind over matter :)