tapi manusia,
kena bersyukur, setelah sekian waktu..
terutama bagi manusia yang macam aku,
yang pernah dengan sengaja dan sangat sengaja,
duduk dalam gelap, menjauhkan diri dari cahaya.
yang dengan secara sengaja dan terlalu sengaja,
mendekati yang mungkar, dan menjauhi yang husna.
setelah sekian waktu..
sampai waktu aku sendiri rasa penat.
penat yang amat sangat...
aku akhirnya dapat pulang.
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| dan semoga hati kita akan terus dipayungi iman. |
penat tau. sangat-sangat penat.
dan paling penat adalah proses selepas itu.
old habits die hard. says the orang puteh.
buat benda jahat macam makan gula-gula. u know, sooner and later it will effect your teeth,
but u eat it anyway.
and i thought i dont like gula-gula.
not my taste.
but once a while,
sikit-sikit..
kadang-kadang..
and this, does count!
sikit, sekali, jarang-jarang.... all; counted.
in my life,
i love short cut soooo much.
i love discount as well..
but dalam hidup, tak semua benda you can ask for that.
dalam urusan agama especially, mana aci main diskaun-diskaun.
"takpe, singkat sikit je... " "takpe, lambat sikit je" "takpe, kurang sikit je.." "takpe, salah sikit je"...
semua sikit aje...tapi semua pun salah...
this short cut and discount lifestyle that i live in, and i still hold with me is indeed giving me headache now.
once, when i was so afraid that i wouldn't have enough time to apologies, to ask keampunan from Him, i read an article, about how sakit is actually 'washing' your sins away.
then i asked myself. Can i ask to get sick then? so that it will be faster.. faster and quicker for all my countless sins to be gone..forever?
and that, is also wrong. terribly wrong.
mana aci nak short cut macam tu plak.
tau pun penat nak bertaubat.
semoga penat tuh, akan jadi penghalang untuk aku dari terus mentop-up dosa.
kulllu nafsin dzaiqatul maut...
and we, none of us know when malaikat maut will knock at our door.
so.. berubahlah dari sekarang..start slowly is better than nodding your head, say the istighfar but u remain the same. banyak orang including me, bila dengar apa-apa yang menyedarkan diri..terus rasa bersalah, rasa berdosa, rasa nak bertaubat..tapi rasa kekal rasa. esoknya, i wear the same ketat blouse, i delayed my solat fardhu again, i talk about people, and i this and that.
yes we can't change to be someone new in one day.
but we can change to be better and better and muchh better from day to day..if we start now lah..
how i wish, that i realise this much earlier.. much much earlier.. coz even a second earlier means a lot..but i can't change that anymore. pass is pass.
so i reallly really reallly hope that i can change it for others.
by saying, or typing this perhaps.?
oh, i just learnt that my name is a lot heavier than i thought.
and it caused me to feel responsible for myself, even more now.
what your name means? dont just read it, understand it. and then- make it real.
